Just Breathe...

A writing class exercise, taking a very close look at just one small moment of your day and try to capture then explain that detail ...and hopefully capture all of the emotion that goes along with it.

My moment, an early morning....

Just breathe. From the moment the alarm rings at 4:30am, every weekday morning my life is a flurry of activity and a test of skill in time management. Most of the time it is barely managed! Double or triple tasking becomes creative, listening to a weather report while showering, checking voice mail while brushing my teeth, setting up both breakfast for the later revelry of the household and choosing our dinner meal simultaneously. Emails for work are checked in between classes, and meetings are scheduled while in transit between two counties to accommodate other errands or childcare. Who has time to breathe?

Waking just before dawn, when the world is tranquil and the frenetic tempo of the day to come is still quiescent, I look over at my daughter Olivia, deep in the sleep of the young. I notice that she has a new freckle on her nose! Her brow is relaxed and her lips are at peace. No worrisome dreams this night for our six- year old. I lie by her side with my hands tucked under my head and just watch her breathe. Her eyelids are almost translucent and pale with a hint of dark circles under her eyes. Olivia’s eyes when she is awake are always filled with such expression! As is expected from a six- year old the world simply whirs around her in a blur of dance and song and questions…always questions! There are days when I just want to scream “Enough! Enough already with the questions!”

I spend quite a bit of energy trying to get Olivia to sleep and yet I rarely engage in the pleasure of watching her in that state. As I look at her now, her chest rising and falling I can remember that same tempo when she slept on my breast as an infant. The same lovely lashes closed over her hazel eyes, the same little smile veiled in slumber and the same little nostrils flared upon inhale, and now, welcoming the newly arrived freckle. Or is it new? It has been awhile since I studied her face. When I looked at her today I could see the precious infant that she was and in just one breath I can focus my gaze and see the beautiful woman she will become.

I snuggle in closer and can smell the coconut shampoo scent lingering in her hair. Closing my eyes I can remember what she smelled like the day she was born. I reach over to brush my hand over her hair; she must have felt my touch because she moves slightly towards me. In moving her arm, the white Battenberg lace trimmed coverlet slips to cap her head and for an instant my heart swelled with both pain and joy to think of what she would look like on her wedding day. What paths will she take? What choices will she make? Will she find the answers to all of those incessant questions? Most of all, I wonder and hope that someday she will take the time to snuggle close to the daughter she loves just to watch her breathe.